My Sounding Board.

This time of year is difficult for all of us who have lost those we love. It is no easier 15 or 20 years later. I miss my Mom and Dad. I miss being able to tell them how I feel without feeling judged. I can do this with my husband to a great degree but I have never felt as well understood by anyone as I did my Mom and Dad. They had been through many challenges in their lives but they weathered those challenges with grace and growth.

Mom and Dad were the most compassionate, loving and forgiving people I have ever known. They were the epitomy of unconditional acceptance. They would take rich or poor into their home and treat them equally. They were never extra nice to someone because of "who they were" or "what they had".   If they were here today I would tell them the story below and I know they would likely have some wisdom for me but essentially I think I've figured it out anyway.  I just miss being able to bash around ideas and words and feelings with them.  They would help me arrive at conclusions in an efficient and timely way that would emotionally settle me.

When Mom and Dad died within a short time span of each other, my sounding board was gone and I have since learned that the only one I should always have carried my gravest concerns to is God.  While they were alive I didn't or couldn't rely on Him the way I do now.  And yet, I struggle with emotion getting in the way of prayer.

A while ago I went to a counselor who told me that you teach people how to treat you and the lack of respect that you feel from your family has some how been perpetuated by yourself.  This feeling is currently foremost in my life and I'm trying to figure out how I need to behave differently to experience a different outcome.

That same counselor taught me to use these questions when trying to sort out what sort of involvement I should have in a problem and these are to ask yourself:

1. IS THIS MY PROBLEM / RESPONSIBILITY?
2. WHOSE PROBLEM IS IT?
3. IS IT APPROPRIATE FOR ME TO BE INVOLVED?
4. DID ANYONE ASK ME TO BECOME INVOLVED?
5. IS THERE SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE I CAN DO ABOUT THIS?
6. WHAT OUTCOME AM I HOPING TO ACHIEVE?

The answers in this situation -
1. No, not my problem nor responsibility
2. Someone else's problem
3. It is NOT  appropriate for me to be involved
4. Someone else talked to me about the situation and then withdrew from me.
5. The productive thing I could do is to leave it alone back off as requested and never initiate anything unless asked and then decide if it is appropriate for me given the past situations
6. I just want to be at peace.

I would do well to remember and to apply the above at this time as well as the following.

Jesus told us to forgive others as he has forgiven us.  How often?  -  70 times 7.  I do hope that doesn't mean only 490 times as I am almost out of things I can be forgiven for so let's hope that was a symbolic figure and that we really will be forgiven on an ongoing basis forever because we are far less than perfect....and we are to continue God's grace by forgiving others as he forgives us.  May the Lord help me to remember this and to keep me mindful of His grace for others as well as for myself.

I have read, pondered and prayed over the above questions.  Now I release this all to the Lord to deal with. Thank you Lord, in the name of Jesus for taking on my problems and for being my sounding board. 

Love from Shirley